bitboy

2012-01-24T12:09:00.001+11:00

dress up dolls

formspring.me

2011-10-07T15:19:00.001+11:00

Ask me questions about food http://www.formspring.me/s2juliee

NEW O.o"

2011-07-22T10:07:00.001+10:00

HEY I SWITCHED TO TUMBLR :D

www.s2juliee.tumblr.com

Love always,
Juliee <3

formspring.me

2011-06-18T09:36:00.001+10:00

ask me something, anything! http://formspring.me/s2juliee

formspring.me

2011-05-25T14:22:00.001+10:00

Shoot ;) http://formspring.me/s2juliee

Major work.

2010-04-11T21:58:00.003+10:00

OMG its my Major work :D
yes much delayed....
but anyways, its just bits and pieces cuz idk what to blog abt atm....
oh yeh feel free to ask me a question, with your info or anonymously just click on the words "never forget" and the box is right there.
yes i have no life (:
other than that, i'm crammed with assessments
so enjoy!

_____________________________________________________________________________________

_____________________________________________________________________________________
and these are some of the stuff i made allen <3

always,

formspring.me

2010-04-10T00:25:00.001+10:00

Ask her anything http://formspring.me/s2juliee

`take my hand- don't let go, 'cause we're gonna fall together.

2010-04-07T16:30:00.003+10:00

love

sometimes you wish it never existed.
sometimes you wish it'd happen to you.
sometimes you think it's fake.
sometimes you want to believe.
but then it lets you down.
it's like cupid ripped your wings off to send you flying to hell.

sometimes you feel a pinch of jealousy
as you walk past a happy couple.
you make yourself feel better by telling yourself that they aren't always that happy.
sometimes you cry from heartache.
sometimes you wish it was all a dream
other times, you wish it was reality.

what a feeling.
what to do with this feeling?
when you have a choice to fall or not,
which do you choose?
love at first sight or lust at first sight-
which do you believe?
what do you truly wish for?

be careful what you wish for...
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Sometimes things get a bit to hard.
the road gets bumpy
and you wish that you could just forget everything that has happened.
Nothing you do is right
and it seems like you life is spinning out of control in front of you.
Suddenly it stops, YOU stop and take a good look at where you are,
and the harsh reality of what's going on in your life.
you have two choices from there-

do you 1. stop what you're doing, and steer everything back to the right direction
or 2. keep on going and see what happens?

There comes a moment where you ask yourself if its all a lie.
and if it is, you wish it wasn't.
why must it be so hard to keep your promises.
or for other people to keep their promises.
whatever they say always contradicts what they do.
and it's things like these that makes you become frustrated.
then you start to wonder if they're doing it on purpose to piss you off.

These past few days i have start to believe in his words.
even if there's a chance that those words are just lies.
some part of me is telling me that they're true.
they're sincere.
because i have never heard them before.
because, simply, i love him.
and that's what love does to someone.

It makes them blind to reality,
makes them believe, hope,
and have faith.

with love,

why don't you take me to the dream, let's escape from reality

2010-03-21T16:36:00.009+11:00

Sorry, no blogging recently...
Its been a good few weeks, Uni has started and i'm slumped with Uni readings and assessments.

Yesterday, i found myself crying my eyes out by myself at a lonesome station.
No matter how much i tried to stop, the moment i took in another breath i just started all over again.

I wonder just how much pain i've been holding in all this time.

I think i stayed there for about two hours or so.

I called him, he couldn't tell.
My lack of breath, my heavy gasps, my shivering.
I tried my best to act normal-
only to burst into tears the moment he said "i love you"
and i hung up.
I love you
please don't tell me lies.

Why is it always us girls being hurt?
Why do we put up with so much shit and not do anything about it?

No calls. No texts. No replies.
You always make me chase after you...
I'm getting messed up.
My head is going crazy.

I wish i could just close my eyes and run away from reality.
Take me into the dream.
I wish i was happy.

Instead, the cold hard reality awaits me when i open up my eyes.
I woke up wishing i'd just go back to sleep.
Deep deep sleep.
oh how i long it.
I wish so much, that the tears start to flow. again.
Stop.stop.stop.

I hate you.

Why do i have to feel this way?

Oh i hate you, but i love you so much more.

Do you wish i'd disappear?

why? why? why?
I'm always seeking answers.
I always get "i don't know"
Give me the truth.
you owe me that much.

I'm immersing myself in work, what a pathetic attempt to get things off my mind.

In a relationship, there will always be one person who loves the other more.
In this one...
It is me.

Someone please save me...
won't you be my paramedic?

______________________________________________________________________________

One foot out the door
Cause you don't want to
Keep me anymore
One step away from leaving
Cause I need a reason to stay

One foot out - Nasri

Let me be your paramedic
He just doesn't get it
He just keeps on breaking your heart
Shorty listen, I'm your paramedic
Let go of the headache
Girl I can't wait to resuscitate you

Paramedic - Jarvis

when we're apart, whatever are you thinking of?

2010-02-15T21:39:00.005+11:00

A lot of things have happened since my last blog.
I am now officially 18...
and man did i have a good night (:
Thanks to all who came...
actually i just remembered that i forgot to take a picture of all the prezzies to post it up D: Oh wells... i'll do it later LOL:D

After that it was VALENTINES DAY <3
Well on saturday me and allen had brunch at Poporo, then we found new couple necklaces and then we went home to watch the ugly truth as our dinner reservation was at 6:30.
Then we went to buy a bottle of wine--well i did....
my first time buying alky yayyy!
and headed to Thai Riffic in Newtown and man their food was so goood!!!
i forgot to take picture of the entrees since i was so hungry i forgot LMAO...
We ate this prawn and mince meat thing and crab meat money bags for entrees, for mains we had roasted duck in red wine and orange sauce and a whole deep fried Barramundi fish D: so much then we had chocolate pudding with straberry ice cream for dessert.
Our wine was Jacob's creek Moscato rose. yummm<3

To my valentines:
You make me happier than anybody else has ever had (:
Thank for taking me out.
i love you much more than words can express.

here's the camera roll!

and that was from the dinner.

sometimes there are moments where i think being alone is better.
But despite that i still hold on, hang on and try my best to jump over each hurdle that comes up. At other times i find that i'm really glad that i didn't give in so easily when there were many time that i could've.
I know that my insecurity is really bad.
I wish i could help it but unfortunetly as much as i try to i can't.
sometimes i find myself wishing that i was not me,
however he always reassures me that i am lovely as i am and that he loves me regardless. I am blessed.<3

oh check out this shot of the sunrise that i got while waiting for the bus (:

love always,

(nooby luvo :P)

You're the reason that i breathe

2010-01-31T14:53:00.003+11:00

What's better than you're boyfriend buying you cute stuffed toys?

WINNING them (:

so i got bored today and thought I'd gather all or most of the toys that Allen has won for me during the 2 years that I've been with.
However, i remembered that some toys are at his place...
anyways here's the photos enjoy! (:

The newest to my collection (:

All my toys allen has won for me over the past two you excluding a few because they're at his place(:

Tofu collection<3

The small to medium toys <3

some of the medium toys together with the large toys <3

and that's it (:

with love,

Let me be the one telling you it's alright.

2010-01-30T23:28:00.005+11:00

Let me be the one,
Telling you it's alright
Sharing the smiles and tears you cry.
Let me be the one,
Loving you when you're weak.
For all of the strength you need,
You can come to me.

When you're down and you feel so lonely
Turn around, you can come to me
When you're down baby, I will be the only
Come to me
come to me - Jesse McCartney
_____________________________________________________________________________________
The feeling of peace and serenity is a blissful feeling.
This feeling is one that i hope won't go away.
But in life it’s just inevitable.

It's a wonder why in life;
we always search for that one person
that will be there to remain by your side.
It surprises me how much time has passed when I look back
to reminisce about how we were back in the days.

Often I find myself wondering why he's so special to me.

Why him?
Why not someone else...?
But, I’m glad that it was him and not someone else.
I hate when I cry in front of him.
Or show how I’m so hurt by his actions.
But I love the attention from him.
And if I have that then I seek not attention from others,
because to me he matters the most.

To him,
you make my world spin a little bit faster
every time I’m with you.
I only wish it’d spin a little slower instead…
because then we’d have more time together.
Time with you is so precious to me.
I wish we had more.
You are so special to me, more than anyone else I’ve ever been with.
I just hope that in time we will still be in love just as much as we are now.

Friends on the other hand- come and go as they please.
But there will always be a handful to be there after everything to catch you when you fall.
And they are the ones that you should treasure most,
because when you don’t…
It only takes a second for them to slip away from you
and move on to someone else.

That’s because we are selfish beings.

But that is what makes life so interesting.
All the drama and events that occurs through you life or someone else’s,
No matter how, the information that may or not be true will always seem alluring,
And will always somehow manage to catch your attention.
Life plays games in Social groups, it’s like Chinese whispers.
What may come out in the end will always be different to what was said at the beginning.

What you do is play it smart, and just move on with life and make the most of it.

love always,

I hate this part right here.

2010-01-21T22:23:00.003+11:00

I hate relationships.
why won't we ever meet in the middle, i'll never understand.
Is it that hard to factor someone into your life?
you say you love me.
but you never ever think of how i feel in regards to your actions.
why i bother coping all this is a mystery to me.
sometimes i just wanna bash my head against the wall and get it over with.
i hate this part.
I thought you were finally changing.
i guess i was wrong.
i hate how you take my breath away
and make everything seem okay with just a kiss.
i hate how you know i'll always run back to you.
i hate how i let you get away with everything you do.
doesn't seem like anything can last forever.
you say im the most important in your life?
what a fkn lie.
you'd choose anyone over me any day.
especially if it includes what you want.
i'm tired of being pushed around.
I'm tired of hanging onto an almost broken thread.
i am tired of being broken into pieces by you.
tired of everything i have to put up with for you.
but why can't i let go?
i'll never understand how i still love you this much to be able to put up with everything.

You'll never understand how i feel, never.

always,

Tattoo your name across my heart, so it will remain...

2010-01-17T12:05:00.003+11:00

How often will relationship feel so heavenly.
i wonder why joyful parts of a relationship doesn't last as long as those painful moments. Maybe thats just life.
I hate that word, 'maybe'.
why can't we have a more definite answer.
Life can be so frustrating nowadays.

Anyways... On friday went to movies with my bestie CHAN <3
we went to watch It's complicated!
it was so funny :D
Then we were bored and didn't know what to do so we decided we'd go kingpin bowling,
in which i epically got owned in ==" Then we went and met up with pawel and ate viet :D was good! Was and epic day with chan (:
I met up with Allen after he finished working! then went home (:
Then Saturday came, something came up, so ice skating with tony, Allen, Luke, Sazha, Aldo and Anthony was delayed...
Then at 2:30 we went ice skating and ice skated LOL til about 4:30
Tony stacked it like a bazillion times with Aldo skating around and filming everyone's stacks! Everyone excluding me and Aldo stacked it but i had a near stack D: but it was all fun (:
Luke and Allen had an awesome stack too, so awesome me and shaa laughed our asses off (:

What to do when it feels like the whole world is against you?
I'm not too sure. Why is it that life is painful?
i'm not too sure about that either.
I just know that sometimes these type of things makes life a bit more interesting.
regardless if its good or bad or for better or for worse.
Because life is about falling and picking yourself up when you do, walking with your head up high and learning from your mistakes.

love always,

sweet boy, i just wanna be your fantasy<3

2010-01-14T14:02:00.006+11:00

yes i have neglected my blog yet again =="
anyways, it's finally 2010!
this means a new year a new start!
_______________________________________________________________________________________

So when school's out, what do we do?
we immediately answer to the urge to go out and have fun with friends (:
that means :
- beaching it
- party hard
- getting smashed
- acting crazy
- being you
- and just having fun!

Me and allen at formal (:

we came by a lovely sky while driving.

ultimate failed luvo D:

Me and angel

tony and i

The rest are on facebook which im too lazy to put here (:

Well 2009 has been a hectic year with ups and down making it crazy. I can't help but wonder, if life was so smooth flowing would it be just as interesting?
would it be better than feeling pain and an uncontrollable amounts of joy, tears and laughter?

I know for me, It's been tough. I cam across a pain that i will never forget but am learning to forget because i know what we have is special and that it shouldn't be thrown away.
As problems come and go, i realise that each and every situation is like a test to measure our love. cause when it comes down to it,
how much are you willing to sacrifice?
how much are you willing to forgive?
how much can you take before you break?
who's there to pick you up?
so many questions and only you and you alone can answer them.
So what if you fall? just know that there are friends to pick you up and help you get back on your feet to get you moving along.
'Cause fairy tales don't exist, 'cause in reality you have to get up and keep on walking with you're head up high.

To my special somebody,
Its been two years.
i never thought we'd make it this far.
From the first time i saw you i knew you were gonna be so special to me.
After everything we've been through...
im happy to say that i'm still loving you.
Maybe it's written in the stars for us to be together.
you're my everything babe.
nothing can come between us...
'cause everything we come across is just a hurdle.
we can jump over anything.
i love you<3

Oh and check out our couple rings (:

heres to a new year! let's have an epic 2010! (:

much love,

Long time no Type.<3

2009-10-11T19:22:00.002+11:00

Hey hey!
so it's been some time since i've posted anything....
Schools going at full speed and its like woah! how did we get here so fast?
actually... i graduated already! hehehe! i'll try and load pictures of graduation asap!
Anyways i started writing something, but i don't know if it's good enough. so i'm gonna post it here and you guys will tell me if i should continue it.
I'll also release my stories that i've written for the HSC after the HSC is over okay?
so here it is.

Here I go again, saying things that totally contradict my feelings.
I never understand why I'm like this. I wish I wasn't, I wish I could control what comes out of my mouth.
My name is Elise Hathaway and I have a problem.
I'm an insomniac that’s in love with another person.
Someone so dear to me but I'm always messing my chances up because of my stupid mouth.
If only I actually think about what’s going to happen if I let my mouth run.
Honestly, I should know better. I've loved this guy for a long long time, well not really, 2-3 years really. He's the only one that understands me for who I am.
Sometimes, when he's gone I feel as though there’s this big hole in my heart, and at times like this, I can never stand being alone, and so I go off at him, yet again.
Argument after arguments, really we're like married old couples!
At the thought of that I smile to myself, because I really wouldn't mind growing old if it were with him. So what do I do with this problem?
I have no idea.
I guess I just have to let nature run its path.
I mean, what else could I do? Put a trap on my mouth?
Thing is I have no problem writing how I feel, but saying how I feel is somewhat a whole different thing. Sometimes I think it and think it but then I can’t say it.
Things like these will always keep me awake at night cause that’s how I lost him.
If only I could have my way. But I guess life just doesn’t go that way.

so what do you think of it?
until next time peoples <3
possibly after HSC....LOL

xoxo -Juliee

Trust.believe.hope.enjoy.cry.smile.laugh.live life<3

2009-02-25T14:36:00.012+11:00

So it's been awhile ayes?!
well it's back to school, back to school work, and back to trying to not stress, or procrastinate.
Meaning, i'm not doing any of that!
Turned 17 recently ahhh! so old! =P __________________________________________________

Anyways, sometimes things in life get hard, sometimes you just get tired, and sick of everything that life throws at you. Family, love, friends, everything. Nowadays, each family member have their own things to do. No time the rest of the family members, and it's hard to function that in, especially if back then, you're family was tight as. Not only that, but the recession also adds to this, as much as it is inevitable-something we can't avoid, it is hate-able for everyone. As the credit crunch comes in, families are getting torn,worrying only about money and nothing else especially with all their debts and such. Kids start to wonder why their parents don't spend every moment with them anymore and everyone is missing out on everything.

Love, relationships etc. gets harder as well, trying to please them is hard enough. each love is unique, and no one can actually give the most accurate advice to that couple with that kind of love, because simply no one can understand it better more than themselves And yes, sometimes it is unfair, and it does hurt and it could kill you so much that you feel like life's just so not worth it, but you can't blame anyone- because they didn't actually guarantee you that love would be the most joyous thing in the world. Everything comes with a consequence, that is a known fact so don't ever expect it to be the most simple and joyous thing in the world, because this fact applies to love too. However, despite this, i personally think that, it is the most excruciating and amazing feeling to experience, when you love someone so much,you're willing to even die for them because that special someone means that much to you, it's sweet, beautiful even, cliche, but amazing and beautiful.

Now friends on the other hand, come and go. You may trip or fall, and they'd be the one to pick you up, but sooner or later in the future, you'd be looking at new faces and saying-yet again-"yupp, these are my best mates". so while you can, cherish those moments you have with them, because those moments are the hardest to capture, the hardest to keep, but , because when you look back at all those times, you'll want to cry, to laugh, to smile and to live your life to the fullest, because those memories will be one of the things that will remind you of the greatest times ever- something that you should not belittle, something that deserves to be cherish with all your heart. Even when your friends are mean to you, or they act so cruel, or even if they just piss you off with everything they say, if they walked every step with you from the moment you guy have met, that's a true friend, and true friends, are the most best friends you can have, because everytime you trip or fall over, you know that they will be there for you like they were every step of the way. However, if they have always been like that, then they're not a friend, so go ahead and drop them, because, you won't even need them one bit.

Treasure those special moments, even if they're little, they will the one of the many things that you will love to look back on whether it'd be with families, friends and last of all your special someone.

For My Special Someone
You mean so much to me,
nothing could ever compare to you.
if you open your eyes, you'll see,
that my love is more than true.
i'll always treasure our love,
so obvious it is, that it's sent from above.
For you, for us, i'll stay,
because i've never experienced love this way.
'cause this is a love that i'm bound to miss
how could i ever leave a love like this
anything for you, i'd do
because i just love you so much my boo.
I know you hate to see me cry,
it's only cause i hate saying bye.
i hate it when parting we part ways each and every day.
wish we could just stay together and never part ways, never.
now expressing my love this way,
really is a cliche.
but all i want is to show you,
that my love is so much more than true.

love always,
juliee xxx
Thats all for now<3

I'd give my all for your love <33

2009-01-13T22:40:00.002+11:00

"Multiply it by infinity, take it to the depths of forever and you'll still only have a glimpse of how much I love you."
____________________________________________________________________

Well it’s actually been a year since we got together. Wow. I’m kind of surprised we pulled through a whole year considering everything we’ve encountered! Can we go through another one? I’m not too sure, but I am sure that no matter what I want to spend the rest of my life with him, that’s what I truly believe.

Well it’s been a while since I blogged huh? Yes it has. There’s no problem at the moment, everything is sweet and serene, controlled and better than ever I guess?

Well on Saturday I spent some time with him, and then on Sunday, our one year did nothing but read since he had tutor and driving! On Monday we went horse riding with the family =) mine though, as in my cousins and my brothers. After horse riding went city gosh what a long trip ><”, and we decided to eat and go Karaoke, next up we took some capitols and then we played with the skill testers! And… Allen won heaps of toys for me like he did the other day xD. Well it was heaps of fun =) Now I should really stop procrastinating, and start doing my work like a good girl would have done… at the beginning of the holidays! But yet again I just kept reading and eating chocolate ><”. Somehow, such events over the holidays made me realize how precious people are to me, how precious my loved ones are to me and most of all how much their support means to me. It seems, we get down and get sadden by things easily these days, but knowing that the people you love are always there for you just cheers you up, and when something happens, and it feels like you can’t cheer up, why is it when they really ask you to, you force yourself to pick yourself off the ground and do as much as you can for them? I guess in life, we learn to keep those most precious to ourselves, happy and for us to enjoy the time that we have with them. The time that seems like we have so much of, but we actually don’t have enough off, as it’s just too little for our enjoyment to be fully satisfied.

And to my beloved, it’s been one year, how great is that? We’ve pushed through so many obstacles in our relationship, yet we still love each other just as much as before. There are ups and downs, but people around us are kind enough to lend a help in hand each and every time. Sometimes, it seems like someone out there, is just testing how strong our love is with all these problems flying around, and each and every time it hits us, it seems like the end but it’s not ‘cause in the end we get through it every time and as more time goes by, I hope we’ll only love each other more. Tell me, do you believe in destiny? I wonder if we’re destined for each other, if destiny was true… do you think so?

During this one year with you, I’ve experienced so much, pain, need, love, longing, comfort and so much more. I’m guessing that I still have so much more to experience. And I know, I’m probably such a nuisance to you, since I’m so clingy and I hold too much emotion and that I take everything too seriously, but underneath everything I hope you know that it’s really only because I love you so.

I wonder if forever really exist my love?

If it does, do you think we’ll make it?

I hope so.

Happy ONE year babe<3

Love you.

always, Juliee<3

``And I can't take it no more, i'm getting sick and tired

2009-01-03T21:48:00.000+11:00

Reflections of your love
Have come to wither
I thought I’d done my best to memorize

A displaced little girl
Wept years in silence
And whispered wishes you’d materialize
She pressed on night and day
To keep on livingAnd tried to many ways
To keep her soul alive

Reflections (care enough) `` Mariah Carey

__________________________________________________________________

Hmms, it’s been one hell of a week.

Got told by stepmom to leave home after an argument, so I’ve been at my mums, then at the HILTON hotel for NYE, it was SUPER fun at NYE =)) it was basically with family though ^^b. Apparently I got drunk ( I don’t think so ,cause I can still remember MOST of the things I did) the only one I can’t remember was doing the robot with my brother Jamie o.O”. After that stayed over my cousin’s place and then spent a day with my hubby Allen =) next thing you know I go to mum’s to pick up my belongings, and go HOME.

Mind you I was away from home for like a week… ah wells. Then I don’t know how it happened but a whole lotta shit happened.

I don’t understand many parent’s these days, is it really that hard to understand us kids, teenagers etc. So many people I know have family problems, they’re all different but at the same time it’s still the same, how do we end up with parents not understanding how we feel? And maybe we’re in the wrong and such, but that does not give them the right to hit you…or does it?

And why do parents always think they’re right even though it’s obvious they’re in the wrong not only to their child but outsiders? But just because they’re our parents it doesn’t necessarily mean that they have automatic respect right? Don’t you think they still have to earn it, especially if they already disrespect you in the start?

They say my life, is like Cinderella’s minus the ugly stepsisters, no father and more, doing housework since I was little, abused to hell when I don’t, or when I rebelled and always seeing kids out there with their real mother, walking them to school, or dropping them off, kissing them goodbye…and to just need a prince to take away all the pain and sufferings.

Maybe, HE is my prince, my knight in shining armor there to save me from all this distress. But why can’t I bring myself to run away completely? Why do I care about everyone else, not only that… why am I self-sacrificing myself yet again, like always, why?

Why does life seem so tiring, why does it make me feel like the whole world is against me? And none the less, why can’t I be in peace with my prince like the fairytales?

Because you’re a girl, because you’re a girl, because you’re a girl
because you’re meant to be prim and proper
because you’re meant to be clean
because it’s you’re job
because you’re a girl.

What a sexist thing… no boyfriend, cause you’re a girl- why is it always because you’re a girl?Everything is always, because you’re a girl.
It’s so frustrating so what if I was a boy?
What then?
It’d be different?
Yes.
Yes it would be different, but it’s not, ‘cause you’re not a boy.

Go.
Shove.
It.
Up.
Your.
Ass.

Well I’m outskiies people.
``<3juliee

``i still love you, even more so than before, I won't let you go.<3

2008-12-27T15:44:00.000+11:00

"Keep on telling me you don't know how to leave him
He just keeps playing with your heart girl you don't need him"
-knight in shining armour `` Lee Carr

********************************************
After reading several people’s blog, I came to notice, that it’s mostly always us girls that have to go through shit to get to the one we like, love or cherish, and it’s always us girls who chooses to sit through all the pain until we actually really get ourselves up and move on.

However, sometimes, as much as we want to forgive, forget and finally move on, we just can’t bring ourselves to do it. I couldn’t help but wonder why? Why has god—or who ever it is that created us, or whatever it was that we evolved from—made us women, girls, chicks etc—unequal? You see it all the time, it’s always us that puts up with most of the pain whether it’s childbirth, period pain or emotional pain.

Not only that, but we even get treated unequal with certain double standards and such, sometimes men get treated worse than us women do—that’s correct-- but that’s nothing compared to what we put with, whether it’s the past, the present, or even the future.

I wonder why, it’s my girls, my lovely bunch of friends who go through all this shit, that sometimes may not even be worth it? Why can’t we let go and move on like so many other people do? Is it because we love that person more than anyone else, is it because we made them turn into our lives.

And why is it that it seems our effort is never enough to take us through the whole journey of love, life & destiny? Another question is—why is it that sometimes their effort is incomparable to ours.

In a sustained relationship that has lasted for a long time, or so it seems to us, I really do wonder who really sacrifices the most, and if so, why isn’t there a balance in the number of sacrifices?

I’m not saying it’s only us girls in the whole world that suffers like this or goes through this, I understand there are many boys, guys and men out there too, but if the statistics-if there are any- are compared I bet you that it’s us women who go through the counseling , the pain and the excruciating pain of loving someone so unattainable or someone that just somehow not enough to feed our hunger of what we want, whether it’s love, lust or even friendship.

BUT, there is sometime, where someone somewhere, will fall in love, get married and have the happiest times of their lives even after all of their tough times together. I’m hoping to achieve my new goal—for me & him, to get through our tough times, rough patches whatever you may want to call it- no matter how hard or how much effort it'll take to get through it and to succeed in our lives together whilst staying in love and loving each other unconditionally.

Or at least love each other just as much each and everyday – which counts as a closer step to the future, the future that I hope to be in our hands, just for us to control.

And who knows… maybe someday, we’ll be on our way to our honeymoon, laughing at all the times we thought we were going to break up and go our separate ways, or the times that we made each other cry.

And it’s just a matter time that you’ll get that feeling— the feeling that assures you every thing’s going to be okay as long as you try your best. As Shirley said—there are bigger things than our own “little” problems.

love always, juliee<3

``how could someone make me so sad, but still i only want them to stay...<3

2008-12-21T10:28:00.000+11:00

I really hope that little impudent annoying two-faced bitch is reading this.

Let’s see, where shall I start?

1. People (indicating ******) should really back off after already ruining a relationship once.
2. They should already be getting the fucking message to back off already.
3. Show their true self, instead of acting all innocent.
4. Yeah, don’t be a two-faced, scheming bitch at least show it.
5. Messing with one relationship is bad enough, so stop messing around
6. Don’t call OTHER people’s boyfriends out.
7. Don’t FLIRT with them.
8. Stop telling them to stay out late with you
9. People like you are a fucking nightmare
10. And most of all don’t mess with their girlfriends! We can see through all your scheming little ideas.

OH yeh did I mention, I hate you to death, and the only reason you’re still alive is because you’re my boyfriend’s friend, and that I HAVE to be nice to you. Yeh I hate YOUR guts.
************
Now that I’m done raging, let me get to the point…
I am sick and tired of being stuck in this problem, but it’s not my fault, that she pops up in the worst times ever. I could forget her, if she ceases to exist. Frankly, I really don’t need her existing in my life. Nor, do I need her existing in my boyfriend’s life, but maybe as some people say, I’m just being too nice like always.

When a girl, comes into your world, stealing the most precious thing from you, are you meant to just sit there and watch the things she does, which your boyfriend can clearly not see. When she’s the one kind of being that your boyfriend is meant to hate, but instead of hating her, he likes her, are you meant to not feel uneasy? Not only that, but your boyfriend actually makes you meet her with him, spending over an hour with her just cause she has nothing else to do. Not to mention, she also calls him out every now and then, which actually has cut down from everyday or night as I may say. Are you really meant to hold yourself back, and be nice to her as he wishes you to do so? Doesn’t that mean your just letting her get away with everything she does? In addition, it seems as though she is important to him and it doesn’t help, that he has actually liked her more so than a friend at one stage in your relationship, and despite, her already nearly ruining your relationship once, your boyfriend still meets her while knowing that you really detest her guts.

Honestly how would you feel, if you were working your ass off to go through a rough patch, thinking you can get through it with him again, like always, only to find out that he likes another girl? Wouldn’t that been a deep thorn in your side, a scar in your heart? But, how can you let go, if he’s the one thing holding you together? How can you forget all that, if it’s deeply hurt you before? How can you erase all the insecurities that you have inside your heart?
A friend of mine once said that, I am brave and strong for keeping up with all this, to just take all the pain so he can be happy. But I wonder how much longer I can keep this bravery up. ‘Cause frankly, I don’t like sharing someone who’s meant to be mine, and mine only? If he says that he’s entirely yours, you expect him to be ENTIRELY yours. But, there are some limitations to “ you’re all mine” or “ I’m all yours”, as long a you can see CLEARLY that they’re just friends and not flirting-mucking-around-spend-the-night-with-them-once-a-week- friends and definitely not when she always call him out to meet her.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying he can’t have friends, of course he can. Just it’d be better if he didn’t have friend like her, especially, when he already hates people who are like her.
I love him- I’m not that mean to take her away from him if he wishes for her to stay in his life, but, I just don’t know how much longer I can control my feelings. I want to breakdown; I want to scream, to hit a wall, do something other than watch her do this to me all over again or watch her do the things i hate her doing. Why does she have to come back? Has she had enough fun messing with other people’s relationships?

Maybe, I’m just over-thinking. Maybe I’m wrong. But I just simply don’t like her as a person, and what she does… because I’ve experienced, the pain that was particularly all her fault. And even if he asks me to take it out on him, I can’t—because I want to take it out on her, but with him saying take it out on him instead of saying go ahead and hit her, assuring me that he won’t be angry if I did… it’s like he’s protecting her.

If he’s strong enough to protect her, what about me? Shouldn’t he have protected me from feeling all this pain…?

<3juliee

``why is it, the moment you turn around to leave, it seems like you've forgotten my heart is on your sleeve...
2008-12-13T17:28:00.000+11:00

I guess, these days i really still don't know...
what goes through his mind.
And, sometimes it hurts to think that he's having fun without me.
to think that he can smile better without me.
to think that, if i was there it wouldn't even make a diffrence.
i wodner why these kind of thoughts are still in my head,
causing this feeling of insecurity.
Even though, i usually...let go after finding out abotut hese kind of feelings,
i just can't seem to bring myself to.
And even though, the one time i really used all my strength to at least motion to him,
that we should not be together any longer, he refused my request.
the request that it ook all my strength to ask...or you could say motion.
That prove show much he loves me, but what if it's not enough...?
not enough to cure and ease these insecurities, this pain?
And even, if friends are there, why is it always that one person to make me feel truly complete.
Why does it have to be a boy, why couldn't it be a friend, just a friend who could be relied on?
At soem point, i began to wonder...
Why did i ever fall in love, when, and mostly how...?
how did i manage to get myself stuck in this situation?
And why, do i always try to cope with all the pain within me by myself?
whilst copping all the things that he gets angry at me for.
Maybe i deserve this? did i do something wrong in my past life?
But, most of all, Why and how do i manage to stay trapped in this dilemma?
I love him more than words could express, but i wonder how much more i can take before i eventually break, yet again, like always.
Sometimes i just think, someone is just testing how strong my love is for him?
i wonder if people will think it's strong enough to keep me going....
because, i definitely believe that the love i have for him, is stronger than anything else that i have ever felt.

love, juliee<3>

BTW...=O
I badly sprained my ankle and is currently on crutches T_______T" how gay...
but dw! that flovely someone is taking care of me as always, even if he does get angry at me, so i'm a recover in no time lahs =)
toodles! =)

you complete me<3

2008-12-08T14:20:00.000+11:00

As days go by, it gets harder to move on,
as i keep falling deeper and deeper in love with that one person.
Even though, we go through ups and downs...
and even though he makes my heartache, makes me cry,
and makes me feel the excruciating pain of loving someone to an extent that they're you're life...
and that you'd give anything up for them.
I never knew that this love existed... during all my past relationships,
i always thought that true love doesn't exist, that forever could never be believed in, and eternity was a word that was fake.Ithought everything was lies, so i lied too.

However, as i said, as days go by, i'm falling deeper and deeper in love.
and it's hard to stop. Like a drug, so addicting despite the pain, cuz i'm numb to the pain as if i'm high.
But why is it, that when i do feel that pain, i can't escape...
and it's so hard to speak, so hard to voice out my feelings...
And so hard to look at him.

But it's also hard to lie to myself..
and convince myself that everything's okay,
to just smile at him and tell him to " just go..."
when i just want to say, "why can't you stay..?"

To me nothing could ever can ever compare to this love.
This excruciating pain, yet this overflowing Joy...
And the laughs & smiles we get form being with each other.
And nothing can ever compare to these crystal clear memories we make.

And as much as i tell myself i hate him, i know i could never voice it out,
because that would be a lie, a lie that could kill me & him.
And even though, i'm home alone, when he's out and about...
i know he loves me just as much as i love him,
'cause despite everything i've done to him,
he's still with me... holding my hand through each bad and good.
And leading me the way each and everytime i get off track.
And even though, i don't deserve him, he's holding me closer each time i try to move away.

And thats when i know that he's the one that completes me...
It was inevitable-i guess i was bound to experience all this with him.

You complete me lyrics extract``Keyshia Cole
im givin all my life and all my love
..if you.. promise me youll be here forever
ill give you me ill give you everything
if you promise me youll never leave me

what my friends say dont matter
youll be right here from the start
& ill get on my knees
i'll give you all of me
youll never leave my side
because

you love me
you complete me
you hold my heart in your hands
and its okay cause i trust that you'll
be the best man that you can

baby you love me.. oh yes you do.. yea..

and no matter what they ever say about you
im gonna stay by your side
promise me no matter what they say about me that ...
youre gon' be here til the end of time
cause you held me down when no body was around
and gave me all the love i need
so give me more dont you ever leave
cause you complete me

i know..
you love me
you complete me
you hold my heart in your hands
and its okay cause i trust that
you'll be the best man that you can

cause you.. give me my heart back
give me my love back baby
i want it all because its never enough
give me my heart give me
my love back i want it all because
it's never enough

love, juliee<3

Maybe-- just a hopeful word.
2008-11-30T16:42:00.000+11:00
In life, there are always goods and bads.
sometimes a trust is often betrayed,
but if the bond between those people is strong enough,
the trust will still remain, and only continue to grow stronger,
to lend a help in hand each time one is down.
And it's a wonder how life would be if we didn't have those kind of friends to be there for you
to help you anytime they can.

However, it is still a wonder, if as an outsider-
a couple that includes his/her best mate,
that the outsider's best mate has changed from spending time with the gorup to putting all
their effort and time in the one they love instead.
Is it right for them to feel as thought their friend is harder to approach?
And if so, should that person break that couple apart?
Just so that their selfish request could be accomplished.

And so, the girl/guy of the couple hears about this,
is it right for them to think they're the problem?
so should they solve it by shrinking away from their partner so he or she could be happy along with their friends. or should he/she be selfish and keep them form having time with their friends? What if the partner tagged along, but didn't really mix into the group, what then?
so, should that partner put in all the effort to try and make their partner happy, no matter how much it kills them or hurts them.

I really don't understand.. shouldn't friends understand one another? so in that case, shouldn't they understand that their friend is currently taken, as they are not a single person anymore, to do the things they used to do...
Maybe, it'd be better if that guy, had a life without her...
Yeh just maybe...

However, what if they had the feeling that without their partner, they feel they would die?
and what if, they wanted to stay together, what if it was actually the person's choice to hang out with their partner or not... what then?

In life, these days...
Things are complicated.
things are misunderstood.
and jugdements is what your popularity relies on.

Problems come and go... but each time it's solved it just feels all the more better.
Maybe, life has to have its own dramas, to shape each and every person in this universe.
just maybe...

"maybe"-- a hopeful word.

When hopes are up, wishes are granted.
When wishes aren't granted, hopes are shattered

well that's all for now.
<3juliee

intermission``thoughts...

2008-11-23T12:09:00.001+11:00

Let's see... It seems like i made a mistake yesterday?
Maybe not? I actually expressed how i felt, and what i was going through full stop.
All the while tyring to breathe, and keep calm. Never-the-less, all that effort of keeping everything in, just went to waste. Should i keep bottling everything inside of me?
I think maybe, i shouldn't say some thing... i think, i'll be fine as long as that perosn is happy.. it doesn't matter if i suffer. If he wants to see her? well i should just let him make his own choices, and support them... It doesn't matter if it hurts. big deal tush tush. Nothing will ever compare to the feeling of being apart from him or having his love taken away from me... I think, at this stage, we're actually pretty good... because we're still together, willing to lend a helping hand each time we need each other. i guess if he does see her then it doesn't matter... because i know he loves me? and so i trust him. i guess i would rather be the second girl, rather than to be apart from him. And times with him are so indescrible, and so so uncomparable. Somehting i'd never wnat to lose. ever. I'm still hoping & wishing as always... foolish but.. what can i do?
really, i wonder if he even read my entries =)
well, the song, we're good by Paula De Anda & Frankie J has good, Meaningful lyrics...

All that we have is everything we need (Yeah)
I'll stand by you and you will stand by me.
Won't listen to what they say.
No baby there ain't no way.
Nothing is ever going to come between us.
Just you and me.

But we're still keeping it together, we're good.
Aint nobody breaking us apart & no one ever could.
Only cause we're only getting closer, we're tight.
None of their words and lies don't matter.
They can say what they like.
We're doing alright, we're doing alright.

well, ima offskiies people.
toodles.

p.s. I love you...<3

Intermission``worries?

2008-11-21T11:16:00.000+11:00

It seems like things are still so-so....
well with me. I'm very sick! ><" i feel like shit ><"
hmms.. i can't help but to always go back to "that" memory, and yes, everything has been getting better, but pictures just won't get out of my head, i don't know why i'm like this...
And i think... if i tell him, it's just gonna ruin everything that we've worked on up til now.
How can i take her away from him... how can i separate them...? all very bad thoughts, that i try to not think of, yet it just pops up in my head involuntarily. it's the worst feeling ever.
I'm trying so hard, but nothings working... why does she have to call him out for?
why does she have to meet him for? Doesn't she understand...? i wonder, if being nice to me, 'mending' things-if you could call it that, is just a way to get closer & closer to him?
But then again, it's not just him, it's everyone else too, does she like ruining relationships? Maybe, she does it cause she's lonely... i can't help but wonder, why she does this.
Does she realise the damage it might make, or have made?
I understand that she has her own problems, however, everyone has their own problems, you don't see them running off, calling out other people's boyfriends o.O"
nonetheless, tleling them to stay out late, because you're staying out late...
It's a no wonder why the image of chetaing get's into people's head.

Tell me this: IF ( emphasism intended) another guy starting calling me out, and asking me to stay out all night, and i was really close to them, and he needed me for comfort. And i actually meet him after telling my boyfriend that i'm just gonna hang with friends, or go home...
to an outside person, i wonder if they would think that i was actually cheating on my boyfriend.

ALSO, what if i relied on him to take away all my anxiety, fears, and used his shoulder as support through my life instead of my own boyfriend. Not only that, but end up liking him for just a little bit of time...? And then, everything goes back to normal anyways, but i really do wonder, even if everything was back to normal... that if that guy kept calling me out anyways, and that those memories of those awful moments of my boyfriend's life, would he be worried? would he be paranoid, just like i am? would those painful memories be etched into his head, so hard to forget....

Well i guess that's all for now, except for the fact that taster week is over ( woot) and that
i'm super super sick!

take care lahhs <33

``and nothing will ever change our love.<33

2008-11-15T21:16:00.000+11:00

It's funny how things start at an all time low...
and ends up really good.
It's funny how you think it's the end of the world , when it's not.
Somehow, during these pass few weeks it felt like something was eating me up inside, dragging my soul and heart out into the world, to be stomped on.
The pain, the hurt, so indescribable...
And, when waking up and going to school as per usual suddenly seemed so hard,
i wonder how i even ended up going to a whole day of school.
The depression that was in me seemed so unmendable...
and how stupid was i to not even think that our love was unbreakable...
A whole day with him is the best thing, it can push a lifetime of pain away...
i can forget everything when i'm with him.
And it's funny, how he can lift all this weight off my shoulders with just simple words that melt my heart into ease.
And it's times like these, that in this kind of love,
you can still really trust everything is going to be alright.
And it's times like these, that with those feelings being so good
you feel so at ease with him.
Finally, it's times like these one pro will weigh out all the con's...
and that's when you know, you are definitely in love with him...
that you are willing to trust, believe and love all over again.
No matter what stands in your way, you'll conquer it all,
together, always and forever.

That's when you know, that for sure, you are deeply in love with him...
and nothing will ever change that.<33

Speechless
2008-11-15T15:35:00.000+11:00

Honestly, i don't ever know what to expect.
It seems like every time i hope, the hope turns out so foolish.
and every time i wish, it never comes true.
should i even be trying this hard?
i sometimes ask myself, why i hold onto everything.
When normally I'd just let it go.
gosh, i feel like tearing things to pieces, i feel like punching someone.
Maybe I'm, just be used like always.
I'm so naive.
no wonder why i always get myself into shit like this.
Maybe, i should just sleep and never wake up.
somewhat I'd like that.
There's no way he'd ever care.
no way at all.
Maybe she's much more special than i am.
i know she's prettier for one thing, possibly nicer.
gosh, i hate her.
Maybe I'm not needed in this world.
maybe there really is no such thing as love,
or true love as well.
Simply broken and in pain.
and you tell me i should "be over it by now"
what a laugh.

welcome to my life <33

2008-11-12T20:20:00.000+11:00

Well, i finally made a blog =)
all thanks to my amy-oh =)
Somehow, maybe this should be the answer to all my unreleased feleings.
I don't know how i feel now.
so lost and confused to be honest, and it's just, maybe he can't understand how i feel...
how hurt it was, how hurt everything was.
i try hard to get over it, i do.
but it keeps replaying in my head against my will.
These tears comes against my will.
This aching is against my will.
And everywhere in my heart, it's aching, and i'm holding it together, but it feels like breaking.
But, i'll just continue, to lie.
i'll just continue to keep my head held up high.
cause, my feelings aren't understandable.
so i'll try my best to forget.
i'll try my best to move on...

`` intermission - pain
2008-11-12T20:16:00.000+11:00

Everything is falling apart,
and it's definitely breaking my heart.
On the grass here, is where i lay,
with thoughts that things are just going to get harder day by day.

Maybe there's no such thing as true love,
Maybe it's never been sent from above.
It seems like everytime you turn to around to leave
you forget that my heart's on your sleeve.

There's no point in crying out all these tears,
'cause nothing will ever erase my fears.
fears that soon we'll go our seperate ways
never to come back another day.

I never thought that we'd come to this, never.
because we made a promise of forever.
And now i'm sitting here, broken and in pain,
crying even more than the rain.

But you'll never understand how i feel,
so my selfish feelings i will seal.
The feeling of wanting you to stay,
A feeling that'll never fade away.

And so, i'll just sit & wait
not caring if it's still this late.
so until you come back to me, i'll sit & silently cry
'cause without you i'd simply die.

love, Juliee

amy tagged

2008-11-12T19:33:00.000+11:00

hii BABBBEE!
im just taggin...
i just wanna say.. i L O V E you <33
i'm glad that ive met you ..
without you.. id be pretty screwed up! >.<
thankyou for always being there for me.. cheering me up when im down..
partayinggg when we're happy..
your AWESOME!! =D
i'll always be here for youu

<33 amyy